How Maturity Shape my Views of Friendship

All the years of hard work and a lot of activities. I remember when I was in college, I will wake up at 6am to work on my police report news assignment in a reputable news company in Cebu, go to school at 230pm and rush for my part-time job at a gaming cafe at 7pm. I usually go home at 3am or sometimes those medical students who were addicted of playing ragnarok and warcraft will beg me to extend my shift until 4am to 5am so that they can play more and they will either pay my cab's fare, buy me some yummy food in a 24-hour restaurant/coffee shop or sent me home via their own car. I miss those med students, I hope all of them really made it to becoming a doctor. 

Over the weekend, I have like an extra "raket" with some of my friends who knew an ad agency that provided a one-day modeling promo job for a certain newly released product. So I became a promo model, production assistant on certain events like mtv gigs and a lot more and I ushered/assisted local and foreign concerts. I made some huge money in all those extra jobs. When you are independent and away from your family's support especially financially, you will do anything that will make you survive one day at a time. Even if you have to sacrifice the sleeping part. 

Even with so much activities, I still have to attend a weekend scholar meeting, cook dinner for my boss in my scheduled day and do some filing of legal documents every Sunday. I was able to insert in my schedule, a band meeting and organizing of punk/hardcore gigs, tree planting and feeding program activities. I still have time to hangout with some peer groups over beer or coffee. Do some extra discussion with my radical friends talking about politics (on ousting Erap at that time), societal and environmental causes. 

I have so much going on all over me that when I go to a mall or hangout elsewhere, there's always someone who would smile at me, call my name and even ask my number. Then, I will be amused why they knew me at all. I will ask myself, was it in my charismatic organization, the local music scene, the magazine or student body organization at school or other universities or was it an old colleague in elementary or high school, a client in the gaming cafe, my co-intern or staff in the newspaper or advertising company, or just an acquaintance in an event I've worked with. I really had a thing of forgetting people's names, I usually only remember faces. It was crazy, I mean I had my fair share of popularity with all those activities and organizations I am part of. It was actually boosting my confidence. When you're young and having a lot of friends, being popular is such an added bonus to your personality. 

Now, that I am in my 30's and looking back a decade ago, I never knew I wanted to slow down my pace in life and not care about people anymore. I think as you become a grown up person, you will stop caring about being popular or gaining validation from other people. Instead, you will be the one to choose who among those people you knew will stay and make it to your coffee or dinner table at the end of the day. You become an intimate person and you kinda learn about the value of having your stand in the principle of privacy. That's the great lesson, I understand now. 

Maybe, if Facebook was a thing in the past, I would probably exceeded the number of friend request in my account but I think, it's doesn't matter anymore. What's more vital in life are those people who stick around for the past three decades of my life. Having more friends is one of the greatest joys in one's heart but not having all these people at the lowest part of your life or abandoning you when you badly needed them is the worst part of all.

I say to the young people now, enjoy the hype of making more friends and enjoying each and everyone of them but as you mature you will realize that you don't actually need more, only enough. Only those who never left you at any point in your life. Only those who never forget to greet you on your birthday even without Facebook notifications. Only those who stubbornly stick on your nose even if they knew you don't need them or you are just too stubborn to let them know that you really do. Only those whom you will say, "leave me alone" yet comes back to you holding some bottle of beer, two cups of coffee or a DVD in their hands because they knew that you never really wanted to be alone and you actually needed a company. Stay with those people and you will receive the priceless gift of friendship. 

-maricar alquizola 

11/26/2015 | MTA © 

Buwan at Bituin

      Photo from www.freewallpaperfullhd.com


Habang naglalakad sa dalampasigan,
Aninag ko ang liwanag ng nakangiting
buwan,
Naalala ko ang mga ngiting tila ba,
Di pa rin nawawagli sa aking isipan.

Nakapaligid sa gitna ng kadiliman,
Ang mga kumukuti-kutitap na bituin,
Tila ba mga mata na nagniningning,
Habang kausap ka tungkol sa mga
hilig na sining.

Ang buwan na para bang sinusundan,
Mga yapak ko sa mabatong daanan,
Sana ay nakatingan ka sa kalawakan,
Para iisa ang tingin natin sa kasalukuyan.

Ang mga bituin na nagpapapansin
Inaakit ako sa taglay nilang kinang
Sana'y nakikita mo din sila kung saan
ka man,
Dahil sa bawat bituin sa iyong paningin,
Ikaw ang aking hiling at panalangin.

-maricar t. alquizola
11/23/2015 at 7:19pm | MTA ©

THE WORTH (A poem for every woman in the world)

Photo by Clanch Dayve Belleza ©

Woman, if you look at yourself 

in the mirror,

Do not just look at your face

Imagining, Jennifer Lawrence.

Close your eyes and sink into

the innermost part of your heart,

For beauty never lies only,

In what the eyes long to behold,

It is in your inner smile that

synchronizes what you feel,

This will resonate you beyond 

that pretty little face.

Woman, if you ever touch your 

own body, 

Do not desire to look at the others 

For you have your own curves,

Your shape is uniquely ensemble 

Created perfectly to suit you. 

However, if you seek improvement 

Do it as a matter of your own choice,

Not because you saw some random 

girl in the magazine,

Looking sexy, like a girl in your calendar 

or a girl who foolishly uses her body 

for fame.

Woman, if you ever love someone 

Do not mistake his words to be 

your comfort, 

His appreciation as your beauty,

His kiss as your assurance that 

he loves you more than anything.

This might be just like a splash 

of waves in the ocean, 

A burst out feeling that neither 

you nor him can understand.

Instead, feel your heart and ask

your mind,

It may argue to each own reasons, 

Yet you have to take things slow.

For once a man have gotten you 

to warm his body,

It will be easier for him to 

confuse you, 

Do not be enslave with all those 

metaphors.

And if, the urge of the flesh prevail, 

If he will blame you for quenching 

his lust while you express your love,

For accomplishing the only thing

that he wishes to get from you, 

Do not be shattered with what you

will call later a "mistake"

Pick up the pieces within you,

Show him how wrong he has been.

Woman, your soul may wander

from time to time, 

You should not allow someone 

to take it away from you.

Choose your battles and stand 

for your worth,

Let it be known that it is okay to

stumble down, to commit mistakes,

It is okay to make the wrong decisions.

Yet, remember that you have the 

strength to pursue your dreams, 

You have the courage to fight for 

what is right.

Finally, be patient and loving with

your beloved self,

You will always be a constant work 

in progress,

But YOU.. you will go on and on..

You will become the BEST!  

 by maricar t. alquizola

11/07/2015 at 12:56am | MTA © 

MONSTERS & WHISPERS

Trees swaying gracefully outside
Empty streets paving the long way
Colorful flowers blooming vibrantly
Cold fresh wind blowing all around.

Silence is a treat for a peaceful mind
Warm smiles tickles the inner heart
Short conversation lightens the mood
Easy laughter brightens the weary day.

Evil thoughts are whispering foolishly
Furiously reaching to swallow the inside
Seeking to win sorrow over happiness
Eating all what good intentions being left.

Struggling from the monsters in keeping alive
Wishing it will be gone for eternity to survive
Conspiring the universe to let it all disappear
Replace melancholy with a sweet life for real.

-Maricar T. Alquizola
11/12/2015 at 10:46pm | MTA ©

RUG AND SHOE

I am a spotless rug in the door step,
Yes, i serve to clean all those who
will enter the doorway,
You can use me whenever you can,
My purpose is to collect dust and dirt.

I am a shoe, use to travel everywhere,
Each time i am being used to walk in
pavements, in muds and elsewhere,
I can never complain for my purpose,
Destiny calls me to comfort the feet.

I  am the house rug and here comes
the shoe,
It will kiss me when it touches my fully
round cotton made sheet,
I would not mind getting all the dirt as
long as at the end of the day,
It will make the shoe happy to be dust-
free from the road it has been..

I am a shoe and I'm coming home,
It will be my joy to see the house rug
that accepts me of how dirty I am,
It would be my pleasure to touch its
fine cottony cloth,
Without the rug's selfless kindness,
My dirt will always be within me,
It fills my heart with such delight,
How the rug chooses to sacrifice
just for me..

-maricar alquizola
11/09/2015 at 1:28am | MTA ©

Befriending the Wolves!

It has been two months but with all honesty, it's been going on for awhile and forever since I was a kid. This depression has been taking a toll in my life. I remember writing about it last summer of 2014 and more years ago in every season that it visited me. It's a disease that I'm trying to deny yet, still haunting me each time, either triggered with some circumstances or suddenly arrives in my temple just like death. Only that I am suffering while I am still alive and it does not end anything thoroughly nor have someone remember me in my death bed crying or regretting on why they have not showed compassion in me while I am still able to enjoy their company.

The days have been so heavy. It's like waking up is a nightmare and sleeping is a safe haven. Most of the time, I am walking like a zombie. Trying to smile to all the people I meet around me or trying to have an interesting conversation with someone smart or considerate enough to catch up with my oozing and weird ideas. It came to the point that I don't understand myself anymore. What I want and what I really am. Remorse, melancholy or nothing at all, is what I am feeling. I tried crying it all out for a week, a month or so. It doesn't go away. The evil inside me is whispering, full of negative thoughts every time. It is scary to fight my own demons. Telling me to jump off the rooftop building, slash my wrist or take a whole bottle of medicine. Just to give finality to all the unfamiliar feelings that have been bothering me for eternity.

I am trying to get better. At least I wanted to. Each time I feel the joy of people being thoughtful or giving me loving attention either physically or emotionally, it never made me fully happy. There's always something being stuck in my chest. It's like I'm having a heart attack. A panic of anxiety. It is because the feeling of affection is very overwhelming from others and never knowing if it will last long. It's hard to hold on to something that I wanted to feel most of the time, only to realize that it never made up to myself for a longer-term. It unfailingly leave me with some longing and exhausted emotions.

For now, my relapse is all coming back and keeping me in touch with my inner self. This made me think that I have to befriend all these awful creatures inside me. I have to learn to speak within and calm them. Hopefully, we can respect both our boundaries. Call me crazy and yet, I am or I may not. I don't have more ways now to pacify such dangerously peculiar thoughts than making it as my bestfriend. Perhaps, it will make me go further in living my bittersweet life and hoping that it will not betray me in the end.

-Maricar T. Alquizola
11/13/2015 at 3:18pm | MTA ©

WAIT AND SEE

(by maricar alquizola)

I love it when i run out
of thoughts
or words
It is because i am slowly
Leaving your memories.

I love it when i am numb
Everytime i hear a song
A music that resonates you
It is because I am almost over.

I love it when i read your book
I run my fingers through each word,
Flip its fine pages
Feel the characters, not you
My heart has slowly let you go.

I want to think that you are sad
You miss me in some way
When you read my poem
You will say,
She's talking about me!

Yes, it is you that i am pertaining to
I miss you in a gazillion ways
Rushing feelings that i haven't felt
For more than a decade,
It is you who awakens my soul.

But this illusion has to purposely end
It will be a huge risk to proceed
You'll always be part in the deepest
Of my heart, my soul and my mind.

Please don't be mad if i totally let go
If i choose to love myself over you
If I will hate your memories for awhile
This is just me coping up the regret
Of losing you and those chances..

Your silence now is so deafening
I can't even hear the echo of my own voice
Your unwritten words in the blank page
Makes me feel like a fool, waiting in vain.

So yes, finally i am not going to bother
Pushing myself to the limit of holding on
You may think that i am insignificant
A familiar face you see in your bed side
I'm going to prove to you that I am not.

One day, when you wake up in the morning
You will think of my laughter and weirdness
You'll going to wish of my unconditional love
You will seek my unbeatable listening skills
You will long for my focus of attention
Which you did not give when we sometimes
speak over the dinner or dessert table.

It's alright, i know i am replaceable
Yes, for now you may think i am
Yet, i am simply peculiar in a way
Wait and see, you will look for me..
Seek for the kindness i am born with.

11/03/2015 at 10:43am | MTA ©

BITAW NA

(by maricar alquizola)

Tara na sa hinaharap
Hayaan mo nang lumaya
Ang puso mong nagsawa
Bitaw na.

Taposin mo na lahat
Iwagli na sa iyong alaala
Mga bagay na wala ng halaga
Bitaw na.

Huwag ka nang umasa pa
Baka ikaw pa ay magdusa
Sa iyong mga maling akala
Bitaw na.

Di ba sinabi na niya?
Isa ka lang sa kanila
Kaya hindi ka naging iba
Bitaw na.

Bakit mo pa pahihirapan
Ang iyong sarili kaibigan
Mahalaga ka ba talaga sa kanya?
Kaya, sana bitaw na.

Dadaan ang maraming taon
Dadating din ang panahon
Na ikaw ay muling babangon
Bitawan mo na, oo bitaw na!

10/25/2015 at 7:28am | MTA ©

TIME TRAVEL

(by maricar alquizola)

The years between the both of us
Made you wished that somehow
It should be just as near as it is
Yet, so far from the very start..

You always say that you enjoy
Every conversation, every laughter
You don't usually do what you're doing
I am an exception, you see my kindness.

You wish we are in the same time-line
You see me as your partner in crime
 Someone who can understand weirdness
All the voices inside your brilliant mind.

For some few nights, you keep on thinking
Of me traveling from my time to yours
If you could only build a time machine
You would have wanted to, just for me.

The WHY's haunt us until we look up
To the vast universe, why it has to be?
Why it has to be US?
Such beautiful feelings come to waste
Just wishing, perhaps in another life..

10/30/2015 at 12:19am || MTA ©